Four Strategies for Having Civil Conversations with People Who Disagree with You
In today’s polarized world, only exacerbated by the recent election, engaging in civil conversations with people who hold opposing views can be challenging. But it’s also essential for fostering understanding and finding common ground. Whether it’s a political debate, a social issue, or a difference in personal beliefs, it’s important to approach these conversations with respect and empathy. Here are four helpful strategies to help you navigate these difficult discussions constructively.
Listen Actively and Empathetically
The foundation of any civil conversation is active listening by taking the time to hear what someone is saying before responding to their point of view. This doesn’t just mean waiting for your turn to speak; it means genuinely understanding their perspective, asking clarifying questions, and acknowledging their emotions. According to the geniuses at Harvard, “Active listening is when you not only hear what someone is saying, but also attune to their thoughts and feelings. It turns a conversation into an active, non-competitive, two-way interaction.” When people feel heard, they’re more likely to reciprocate the same respect and engage with you more thoughtfully, creating opportunities for compromise or more profound insight into the topic.
Find Common Values or Shared Interests
Even in deeply divided conversations, there is often some overlap in values or goals. By focusing on shared interests, you can shift the discussion from opposing positions to mutual concerns. BetterUp notes, “When you find common ground with someone, you don’t have to agree on everything. You have overlapping interests or topics of agreement with the other person.” Framing the conversation around what you both care about helps foster a sense of collaboration rather than conflict and encourages a spirit of cooperation.
Avoid Personal Attacks and Stay Focused on Ideas
One of the quickest ways for a conversation to devolve into an unproductive argument is when it shifts from discussing ideas to attacking individuals. It’s easy to fall into the trap of labeling someone as “ignorant” or “out of touch,” but these personal attacks only escalate tensions and shut down meaningful dialogue. Psychology Today echoes this point, saying, “Whether one has a disagreement with a family member, co-worker, neighbor, or anyone else, many people quickly go beyond the issue at hand and try to gain power or ‘win’ an argument by expanding the discussion to a criticism of the other person’s personal characteristics. While this may deliver a temporary moment of pleasure or feeling of victory, it usually undermines both people’s chance to resolve their disagreement.” If you feel yourself getting frustrated, take a moment to pause and refocus on the conversation’s goal—understanding, not winning.
Agree to Disagree, and Know When to Exit
Sometimes, no matter how much effort you put into a conversation, it’s clear that you and the other person will not reach an agreement. In these cases, it’s important to recognize when to gracefully exit the discussion, acknowledging that it’s okay to have differing opinions and preventing the conversation from escalating into a full-blown argument. Wonderology notes, “Agreeing to disagree doesn’t mean you have to give up your opinion. On the contrary, you simply recognize others’ right to hold a different opinion [and] just agree not to argue about it!” Knowing when to step back prevents conversations from becoming destructive and allows both parties to preserve their relationship.
As the holiday season approaches, remember that civil conversations are possible even in strong, deeply rooted disagreements. By actively listening, finding common ground, focusing on ideas rather than individuals, and knowing when to agree to disagree, we can engage with others more productively with dialogue, not division, as the goal.
Special to The Central Observer, Elton Allen
About the Author
Elton Allen is thrilled to be a contributing author on The Central Observer. As a proud native of Central Jersey, he looks forward to getting to help out a publication based right out of his backyard. He proudly runs the Couch Potato Corner and our Health & Wellness section. His professional writing background spans nearly a decade and covers a variety of industries, including healthcare, marketing, career counseling, entertainment, and more.